"Men fear being a woman. They fear being penetrated…’being taken’…the symbolic and literal loss of boundaries to someone [another male] who is more powerful, [fuelling] horrible, violent, obsessive, paranoid hatred of anything hinted at [male] homosexuality…men designate their body to its seamless, phallic mastery."

— A. Potts. The Science/fiction of sex: Feminist deconstruction and the vocabulary of heterosex, 2002

(Source: radfemale, via delicately-interconnected)

"Because we don’t speak about sex, there is no socially acceptable language surrounding it. So the language of porn has jumped in to fill that space, and that’s an issue, because in a male-dominated industry the language of porn is all too often male-generated. The person who coined the term “finger blasting” didn’t have a vagina. The person who coined the term, “getting your ass railed” never got their ass railed. Pounding, hammering, banging… And language matters, because when the only language you have available is abusive and one-directional, in terms of having things done to you, it creates a very weird view of how sex works."

Porn Is Dead, Long Live Sex | VICE United States

(Source: sinshine, via feignnormalcy)

"Nor will I tolerate the continuing assumption that they [men] know more about women than we know about ourselves."

— Andrea Dworkin, Intercourse (preface 1995)

(Source: mrasarescaredofwomen, via thearabfeminist)

"Slowly it dawned on me that much of feminine movement, the inhibited gestures, the locked knees, the nervous adjustment of the skirt, was a defensive maneuver against immodest, vulgar display that feminine clothing flirted with in deliberate provocation. My feminine responsibility was to keep both aspects, the provocative and the chaste, in careful balance….
But why did I think of vulgarity when the focal point at issue - I could no longer deny the obvious - was my very own crotch? And why did I believe that if I switched to trousers, the problem would be magically solves?
Spreading the legs is a biologically crucial, characteristically female act. Not only does the female have the anatomical capacity to stretch her let’s farther apart than the average male because of the shape of her pelvis, but a generous amount of leg spread is necessary to the act of sexual intercourse, to assertive demand for pleasure, and to the act of giving birth. …[I]n civilization as we know it, female leg spread is identified with loose, wanton behavior, pornographic imagery, promiscuity, moral laxity, immodest demeanor and a lack of refinement. In other words, with qualities that the feminine woman must avoid, even as she must try to hint that somewhere within her repertoire such possibilities exist."

— Susan Brownmiller, Femininity (via seebster)

"If your partner’s controlling or devaluing behavior is chronic, you no doubt find yourself thinking about him a great deal of the time, wondering how to please him, how to keep him from straying, or how to get him to change. As a result, you may find that you don’t get much time to think about yourself - except about what is wrong with you in his eyes."

— Why Does He DO That- Lundy Bancroft (via say-it-well)

(via yoursocialconstructsareshowing)

"The media present a woman’s fear of losing her career as the fear of losing herself. But the greatest fear of most mothers is not being able to provide for their children. Mothers with high-paying jobs go back to work to earn money for their kids. Married mothers with low-paying jobs quit to save money for their kids. Single mothers struggle to find work that pays enough to support their kids. Self-fulfillment is a low priority in an economy fueled by worker insecurity.

The assumed divide between mothers who work inside and outside the home is presented as a war of priorities. But in an economy of high debt and sinking wages, nearly all mothers live on the edge. Choices made out of fear are not really choices. The illusion of choice is a way to blame mothers for an economic system rigged against them. There are no “mommy wars”, only money wars - and almost everyone is losing."

Mothers are not ‘opting out’ - they are out of options - Al Jazeera English

(via yoursocialconstructsareshowing)

"My colleagues and I refer to this belief as ‘The Boiler Theory of Men.’ The idea is that a person can only tolerate so much accumulated pain and frustration. If it doesn’t get vented periodically—kind of like a pressure cooker—then there’s bound to be a serious accident. This myth has the ring of truth to it because we are all aware of how many men keep too much emotion pent up side. Since most abusers are male, it seems to add up.

But it doesn’t, and here’s why: Most of my clients are not usually repressed. In fact, many of them express their feelings more than some nonabusive men. Rather than trapping everything inside, they actually tend to do the opposite: They have an exaggerated idea of how important their feelings are, and they talk about their feelings—and act them out—all the time, until their partners and children are exhausted from hearing about it all. An abuser’s emotions are as likely to be too big as too small. They can fill up the whole house. When he feels bad, he thinks that life should stop for everyone else in the family until someone fixes his discomfort. His partner’s life crises, the children’s sicknesses, meals, birthdays—nothing else matters as much as his feelings.

It is not his feelings the abuser is too distant from; it is his partner’s feelings and his children’s feelings. Those are the emotions that he knows so little about and that he needs to ‘get in touch with.’ My job as an abuse counselor often involves steering the discussion away from how my clients feel and toward how they think (including their attitudes toward their partner’s feelings). My clients keep trying to drive the ball back into the court that is familiar and comfortable to them, where their inner world is the only thing that matters."

— Lundy Bancroft in Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (2002), pp. 30–31 (via mikroblogolas)

(via tic-tac926)


We often experience our bodies as a fragile encumbrance, rather than the media for the enactment of our aims. We feel as though we must have our attention directed upon our bodies to make sure they are doing what we wish them to do, rather than paying attention to what we want to do through our bodies

Typically, the feminine body underuses its real capacity, both as the potentiality of its physical size and strength and as the real skills and coordination that are available to it


An essential part of the situation of being a woman is that of living the ever-present possibility that one will be gazed upon as a mere body, as shape and flesh that presents itself as the potential object of another subject’s intentions and manipulations, rather than as a living manifestation of action and intention. The source of this objectified bodily existence is in the attitude of others regarding her, but the woman herself often actively takes up her body as a mere thing. She gazes at it in the mirror, worries about how it looks to others, prunes it, shapes it, molds and decorates it.

This objectified bodily existence accounts for the self-consciousness of the feminine relation to her body and resulting distance she takes from her body


— Iris Marion Young, Throwing Like a Girl and Other Essays in Feminist Philosophy and Social Theory, 1990.

(Source: insufficientmind, via thearabfeminist)

"In a world ordered by sexual imbalance, pleasure in looking has been split between active/male and passive/female. The determining male gaze projects its phantasy on to the female figure which is styled accordingly. In their traditional exhibitionist role women are simultaneously looked at and displayed, with their appearance coded for strong visual and erotic impact so that they can be said to connote ‘to-be-looked-at-ness’

An active/passive heterosexual division of labor has similarly controlled narrative structure. According to the principles of the ruling ideology and the physical structures that back it up, the male figure cannot bear the burden of sexual objectification. Man is reluctant to gaze at his exhibitionist like. Hence the split between spectacle and narrative supports the man’s role as the active one of forwarding the story, making things happen. The man controls the film phantasy and also emerges as the representative of power in a further sense: as the bearer of the look of the spectator, transferring it behind the screen to neutralize the extra-diegetic tendencies represented by woman as spectacle."

— Laura Mulvey, ‘Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema’ (1989)

(Source: insufficientmind, via yoursocialconstructsareshowing)


The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment. Everything there was to do seemed like too much work. I would come home and I would see the red light flashing on my answering machine, and instead of being thrilled to hear from my friends, I would think, “What a lot of people that is to have to call back.” Or I would decide I should have lunch, and then I would think, but I’d have to get the food out and put it on a plate and cut it up and chew it and swallow it, and it felt to me like the Stations of the Cross.

And one of the things that often gets lost in discussions of depression is that you know it’s ridiculous. You know it’s ridiculous while you’re experiencing it. You know that most people manage to listen to their messages and eat lunch and organize themselves to take a shower and go out the front door and that it’s not a big deal, and yet you are nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it.


— Andrew Solomon, Depression - The Secret We Share, TED talks

(Source: feigenbaumsworld, via melohde)